driftfleet ic contact. (audio, video, text, action.)

[astrobleme]

[There's just a generic, computer-synthesized greeting that implores you to leave a message at your convenience.]

Comments

action

[paraclete]

[For some time, now, Kaworu's been tapping away with his communicator. He'd seem almost heated if he weren't so busy looking confused and kind of lost instead. With each passing text, Kaworu just grows more perplexed, and finally, he sets the thing down atop the bunk. Probably best to just be done with it, once you're starting to actively make faces at it.

He wiggles his toes inside his socks, watching them, as he asks,] Shinji-kun, do you have a moment? I'd like to ask you a personal question.

[astrobleme]

[It took some cajoling, but after a few days aboard the Heron, Shinji finally traded in his plugsuit for actual clothing. The utility jumpers aren't very fancy, but they're just as comfortable as any school uniform. At the moment, he's picking at one of the buttons, seemingly lost in his thoughts. (When Kaworu is active on the network, Shinji tries not to be; he's trying not to stalk Kaworu's online activity. He doesn't know if this is jealousy or insanity, but it sure is something.)]

--Huh?

[Of course he has a moment, but it's the suddenness that startles him. He sits up a little straighter, looking over at Kaworu.]

Sure. I mean, if you want to, it's fine. What is it?

[paraclete]

[To settle his own nerves, Kaworu takes a quiet breath, first in, then out. He's trying to center himself. Looking at Shinji always centers him, but apparently that might not be an option anymore. Well, that's fine. If this is something that makes Shinji uncomfortable, Kaworu doesn't ever want to do it again anyway.

He locks his toes together, twists his feet. It's like he's wringing his hands. Is it possible for him to seem nervous? But he's mellow otherwise, at least. It's just his toes that try to betray him. That, and the slow, suspicious way he looks around the room. He knows that Asuka isn't in the bunk room right now, but he still feels compelled to check with his eyes and make sure. It would be humiliating for her to hear this. But, no, it's just Kaworu and Shinji...

Finally, he spits it out: ]

Does it bother you when I look at you? Does it bother you when I watch you do things?

2/13, evening.

[astrobleme]

(continuation.)

[interstices]

No.

You don't have to do anything.

[astrobleme]

I'm going to prove it. Can you--just--can you come here? To me? Please?

[If he has to get on shuttle, he will. He might die of a panic attack from moving ships, but he'll try his best.]

text, 3/18

[paraclete]

Hey :) :) :) :): (:) ): :) :)) :) :)

[astrobleme]

[...]

Hi. That's a lot of emoji.

[paraclete]

It's fewer smiles than you make me feel like smiling. I am smiling. I Am not always smiling but you make me feel like I have always been smiling.

:)

Like that

:D

text.

[paraclete]

What's the matter?

text.

[astrobleme]

[Eloquently:]

?

text, 8/16.

[paraclete]

[Things had been nervous, earlier, and the nervousness had come from both of them, but it was nothing... nothing so bad as this, whatever it is. A climbing upset has been nagging at Kaworu for a little while, but now it's spiked into a terrible feeling, like Kaworu's smacked his head against concrete. He knows it's not coming from his own heart, so...]

You don't feel well. What's the matter?

[astrobleme]

[Shinji doesn't bother to question it. Like so many other things, his unique but mysterious connection to Kaworu can be explained with one word: Angel.]

I'm always doing something wrong even when I'm not doing anything

I can't stand it

text

[mortalcoil]

[guess who has been given Shinji's personal comm number. and the text comes through during what should be the middle of the night, when most people in the fleet agree that it's time to be sleeping, despite there being no sun around to confirm it.]

asuka wants me to apologize to you

text

[astrobleme]

[Shinji isn't all that fond of sleeping. Even on a good night, he has a lot to think about--too much to think about. It still takes him several minutes to reply to Coil's message. If written words can be hesitant, this is an example of that:]

Really?

continuation.

[astrobleme]

(from here.)

[It's so much like piloting Eva. The adrenaline, at least. The mounting tension. The unknown but unavoidable future. There's even an element of danger from being out in the open and having Asuka sitting on his lap like this. But Shinji can be brave when he needs to be, when it's better to be brave, so he doesn't do anything to push her away.]

Right here? [he asks quietly, looking to the left, then the right.] Where everyone else can see what we're doing... [He hooks his fingers around the ribbons dangling from her whimsical red hood. They're tied into a knot, but that knot is loose and easy to pull apart.] I don't want anyone else to see you like this. You're supposed to be mine.

[If Shinji remembers even half of this conversation when he's sober, he's going to be totally mortified.]

[interstices]

Then we can move. [You're supposed to be mine. The words fill her up as well and as warmly as a vintage brandy. Yeah, she is supposed to be his. They've been entitled to each other's company for years and years. There just wasn't the time. Wasn't the chance.]

[She tugs the hood down. Her hair is loose, unfettered by her headset and pigtails, for once, the ends hastily and inexpertly curled. She wanted to look good today. As pretty as she could look.]

But I don't care who sees. Everyone ought to know.

nsfw, just in case.

[astrobleme]

(from here.)

[If Shinji could be content with simply "being with Kaworu," then he wouldn't hate himself as much as he does. He wants more than that. He wants more than he can reasonably ask for, these shameful things he can't even put into words--but he feels like he's going to explode if he doesn't get to do them. His fingers sketch out possibilities by raking down Kaworu's chest, and there's his mouth, too, hot and insistent, cutting off the last few words of Kaworu's confirmation. He locates the hem of Kaworu's shirt and yanks it upward, nowhere near the delicacy he displays when playing piano or tending to the Iskaulit's gardens.

His palms meet with the skin of Kaworu's abdomen. It's smooth, soft, pale, flawless; it's what Shinji finds most attractive, most delectable, which is sort of suspicious, if he's being honest. Maybe it's more evidence that Kaworu was made just to be with him. Fate wasn't about to take any chances with Kaworu being anything other than Shinji's ideal mate.

(Mate?)

With one more forceful tug, Shinji liberates Kaworu of his shirt entirely.] The, uh... [He drops the shirt off to the side.] The universe is supposed to exist for another two, another three billion years, and that's one of the lower estimates. I want to spend that time with you. And I'll still want more time after that. [Immortality still frightens him as a concept, but it's worth it as long as he doesn't have to be alone. He promised Kaworu that they could be together forever, and he's making that same promise again, right now. He'll endure eternity if he can kiss Kaworu's cheek like this, and also his jaw, his neck, his left shoulder--where he takes the time to suck a bruise into existence. The blemish won't last for long, of course, but it's long enough for him to admire the purple design left by his teeth.

Then he's moving lower, right over where Kaworu's core should be. It's probably the most beautiful shade of red ever.]

But I wouldn't blame you for needing time to yourself after the first billion years.

[That's more of a joke than not, even with his fears about being abandoned.]

[paraclete]

[Free of his shirt, Kaworu shudders. It's quick but it's unique: his body has never reacted this way even walking through the frigid Sea of Tranquility. But it's not a frost that gets his nerves. The heat of Shinji's hands and intentions won't let Kaworu's body stay still. Even when the tremor in him subsides, he has to keep in motion, and so he slides his hands up behind Shinji's shoulders. All of Shinji's kisses make Kaworu gasp, greedy for air he doesn't even need. It just feels good to gulp it in. It makes him feel closer to Shinji, as though he's drinking in the space between them.

By the time Shinji's head has dipped lower, Kaworu's hand is at the back of it. His hand is a cradle; it's a tightly woven basket, nestled in reeds, safer than anyone would ever expect. He slips his fingers into Shinji's hair, which is amazing now that it's longer. He wants to tangle himself here, to sew them both into this position.]

I've had enough time to myself. [It's very soft, the way he speaks, but not stripped of levity. He's too joyful to be weighed down by that.] A lifetime with you sounds good. Whatever a lifetime will mean for us.

[Having Shinji so near his core gives rise to self-conscious anxiety, but that can't overtake the urgent desire it also incites. Both of Kaworu's hands settle at either side of Shinji's head. His touch is very gentle, but he's this close to actually guiding Shinji's mouth to his body.

He refrains. One of his thumbs strokes Shinji's hair.]

Shinji-kun. Please tell me. Do you mean it? That I won't have to go back... [Now he's threading his hands through all of Shinji's hair, his hands moving in slow, indulgent strokes. This is an unusually vulnerable question for him to voice, but he isn't withdrawing in isolating shame.] ...back to being alone? Even after the first billion years. We could have so much to look forward to. I will... [His core—his chest is rising and falling with each deep breath.] I will give you things to look forward to. From this age to the next, I will.

action.

[paraclete]

[Kaworu had begun before Shinji came awake, and he hasn't stopped. He has blanket upon blanket and pillow upon pillow, and other soft miscellany, too. And he's arranging each and every piece of bedding--each and every--around the lines of Shinji's body. He covers Shinji; he tucks soft things against him. Right now, he's pulling up a soft shrug of a blanket up toward Shinji's neck.]

Anything you need can be had right here. All you'll do is tell me, and I'll bring it back here to you. Whatever you like. [Kaworu withdraws enough to observe his handiwork, pursing his lips thoughtfully. Then he comes near again, to rearrange a little cushion near Shinji's hip.

He does pause to touch his fingers to the hair at Shinji's forehead.]

I'll get this just right, too, don't worry.

[astrobleme]

[For a long time, for the longest time, this kind of day would've passed without incident, or recognition, or anything good or particularly bad, even. He'd sit by the phone, waiting for a call, and that's a call that wouldn't come--so he'd carry on with the rest of his day like it were any other day in his nondescript life. He still wouldn't mind treating it like any other day, even now, even with everything being so different and stuff. Seventeen. That's the first thing he thinks when he opens his eyes, a little bleary, a little watery and wary. Kaworu's fingers are touching his brow in a drizzle of affection that leaves him feeling thirsty. Seventeen years old, though. His seventeenth birthday. The more he thinks about that, the more he wants to sink deeper into the blankets and pillows and go back to sleep. He doesn't want to deal with getting older, but it also isn't the worst thing in the world, he thinks...]

Anything...

[His voice is quiet and too light to be a grown man's, no matter the velvet rustle of sleepiness. Seventeen years old, and Shinji still hasn't aged a day; that's just the fate of an Evangelion pilot. (He doesn't think that much about Eva anymore, for better or worse.) He shifts slightly, then stretches out one of his legs, then bends the other leg all the way up, already comfortable and seeking out more of it.

He mumbles,] How long have you been awake for?

text

[interstices]

[One minute after midnight. Asuka's nothing if not precise.]

Happy birthday.

[But that's not enough, of course. She wouldn't leave it there even if she didn't have a present. Last year she'd mulled and dredged over her options until the last minute-- this year, she's made her decision earlier, but she's no less uncertain on how he'll receive it.]

I've got something for you after.

[astrobleme]

[That's pretty punctual. Shinji shouldn't be surprised by that, but he's always surprised whenever anybody is considerate of him. His birthday was never anything special before he joined up with the Fleet.]

Thank you, Asuka.

You didn't have to get me anything, you know. But I'm looking forward to it. Definitely looking forward to whatever you want to show me, whenever you want to. Thank you, again.

[He doesn't deserve any of it, but, well...]

text.

[paraclete]

[It's been tougher, lately, to coax Shinji into smiling, or into gliding around in a shimmer of bliss--indeed, Shinji's joy has crept deep into him, and it's difficult to catch its eye, recently. Kaworu has been thinking on this. It's an uncomfortable sensation, but he's been thinking hard, and this is what he's come up with:]

Shinji-kun, you know, I have an idea.

[astrobleme]

[This is how it felt when he was still wearing the DSS Choker. Just the knowledge that his life, his everything, is in somebody else's hands...

...]

An idea?