astrobleme | driftfleet ic contact. (audio, video, text, action.)

[A story, huh...

The alternative is just turning over and going back to sleep.

It's a tough choice.]

Depends. What's the story about?

[Ikari Shinji-kun always was formidable. Kaworu shouldn't have allowed himself to forget that. There's some saying about thinking, about being on feet--Kaworu makes sure to stand. He makes sure to pace. He...

Thinks of something, maybe.]

The story is about a journey. An important one.

[Shinji turns over, pulling one or two blankets along with him. He closes his eyes tight, then tighter, and he's resting on a really soft blue pillow that Kaworu gave him as some point. Like this, it would be pretty easy to go back to sleep...

But he doesn't go back to sleep.]

I want to hear it

Oh, I'm glad.

[He is. He is glad. He just isn't sure what sort of story he's supposed to be telling Shinji--what sort of journey he should show. Think on your feet, Kaworu. He looks down at his shoes.]

It's a story about a boy who traveled through trees, and sands, and fields of dry grasses. Things like that. But before I tell you about all those places, I have to tell you about the boy.

He was very young and he sulked a lot. He wasn't considered cute or friendly. He went to school with lots of other children, but they always scrunched up their faces at each other.

What do you think it was like for him to be someone who did those things?

[...]

It sounds like he had a bad attitude. But he was just being himself and that's the way things are sometimes.

I think you're right. I like it.

Well, I know this is a story, but this boy in the story, he heard a story himself. He heard a story about [On your feet, Kaworu!] the narwhals.

[...]

Do you know about narwhals? Apparently, they existed, somewhere. The boy stopped sulking because he was excited by this story and its claim, and he started to tell people about it. They kept scrunching up their faces at him, though.

He decided to figure out where they were, and to go and find them. This is where the trees and sands and fields and all the traveling through them comes in.

Well, he did all of that. It was very abrupt, the way he left his school and the children who didn't think he was cute or friendly. The grassy fields were what came first; he went running off through those. He had to eat a lot of [...] acorns, when he was doing that. And when he went through the trees too, he had to eat [...] dragonflies. [??] But after all that journeying, he came to the sands. They stretched a long way, but he knew at the end of them would be a vast and peaceful lake. This was said to be the refuge of the narwhal.

Oh, during the journey through the sands, he had to eat crabs.

Getting to the lake took three days of walking in the sand. Sand kept getting into his shoes, so he took those off and left them behind. On the third evening, he arrived upon the shore. He sat there and ate one of the crabs for dinner. The narwhal's horn could be seen near the middle of the lake. Just for a second, though.

[....]

Shinji-kun, you're much cuter and a much better friend than the boy in the story. Do you want to go look for an animal with me?

[Kaworu looks down to his socks, and wiggles his toes inside of them. He'll find out now, he supposes, whether this second-by-second mess of planning will turn out better than any of his ill-fated strategy games against Commander Ikari.]

[Acorns...

Dragonflies.........

Crabs, even.

Shinji has no idea where this story about a boy with a bad attitude is going, and even after Kaworu reaches the punchline, he still isn't sure what's going on with it. It actually kind of annoys him that he feels the least bit invested in the boy and his search for whatever the hell a narwhal is. Unsurprisingly, Kaworu can spin total nonsense into something earnest and heartfelt, so...]

Are you sure you're not just feeling hungry?

[God, he can only hope Kaworu doesn't eat acorns in his spare time.]

If you want to go out for lunch, we can do that. It's fine with me. [Is it? Well, close enough...]

I'm feeling some things. I am, I think, a little hungry. Though I'm hungry when I think of you.

[He doesn't mean it in the way it sounds--of course he doesn't, but sometimes, the odd manner about him is too odd, and he's more eerie than he is charming. Sometimes. Even so, he often ties up his oddities with a handsome bow.]

I heard it called "comfort food". We could look for some.

[By now, Kaworu's little quirks and ways of expressing himself shouldn't come as much of a surprise. By now, surely. But Shinji can't help but be caught off-guard, staring at the screen, and...

I'm hungry when I think of you. Oh man.

Then, in spite of everything, Shinji feels himself smiling a little bit. Kaworu can be such a freaking weirdo sometimes. And the weirdest thing is just how alluring that weirdness can be.]

Comfort food...

If there's anything like miso soup around here, that'd be really good. That's what I would make for somebody else.

Edited 2018-08-23 03:54 (UTC)

The best way to find a thing around is to go about the around with your feet, and your eyes, and hoping for it. Want to take a walk with me?

[It was nice, wasn't it, when a walk with Shinji meant calm eyes from the both of them, and the quiet shuffling of steps, brought back in waves as soft echoes--the two of them together kept things from being quite so derelict. It was nice, wasn't it, when they kept a dead place from truly dying. Kaworu would like to take walks like that again, in the space of Shinji's heart.]

[Probably...

Probably, if given the chance, Shinji would recede into his room--into himself, really--and never come back out again. He'd willingly accept his own exile from reality. There are still too many things in this world, in this universe, that have the chance of hurting him. Breathing, even, can be frustrating and painful, especially now that he doesn't need to do it. Freedom is scary. Opportunity is often a scary thing, too. It was easier when he didn't have to think about taking a breath, and it was easier when someone told him what he had to do next. Without that direction, he'd rather just stay in his room, sitting quietly...

Kaworu, with his ridiculous stories, his crabs and his narwhals, has figured out a way to make what's scary seem much more appealing. It's beyond anyone's ability to understand, but the results of it are clear:]

I haven't really visited any of the cities here, so I don't know where we should go.

We could just pick one and see what happens?

When it's with you, I want to see what happens. So we'll pick one. We'll figure it all out.

[When Kaworu thinks about the vastness of the universe and the volatility of life--all the unknowns and the dread that comes with them--he then thinks about Shinji's shoulders. They're thin and small and kind of bony. They aren't wide, though their line is resilient beneath all the weight of everything. Kaworu thinks about their shape, and he thinks about Shinji's smallness in the face of the whole universe. And he thinks about the heart cresting out of him, this sweet thing peering out from behind a gauze of isolation. All of that heart from such slender shoulders--those slender shoulders beneath a sky overfull of stars. The thought of them is grounding. Kaworu can remember who and why he is, when he thinks of that. He can remember why the overfull sky matters at all.

Shinji's shoulders are the first thing he touches, upon going to meet him. And, even now, he rests his knuckles lightly against Shinji's left shoulder, to get his attention.] You see, [he says, gesturing away with his other hand. He's looking off in that direction, too, but his head is tilted toward Shinji's so he can murmur.] That vendor with the spices--see how many colors he displays. Ah, I think we'll find your soup, soon. If we keep going this way, it's savory and good. [Shinji is what seems savory, but Kaworu is mindful enough to take his touch from Shinji's shoulder.] This is like a treasure hunt. [He hasn't actually been on a treasure hunt. But he thinks they sound like what this is right now.]

[It's a small touch, the smallest touch, maybe, but Shinji didn't realize how much he craved the touch of Kaworu's hand until he had it again. It's enough to distract him. Kaworu is saying something, pointing to the stalls and the wares, and Shinji is distracted. The market is warm, and it smells wonderfully, and Shinji knows it couldn't compare to the cool, solid refuge that would be Kaworu's neck and shoulder. He has no idea why he was trying to avoid Kaworu to begin with. No idea whatsoever. Here, self-conscious, he reaches up and tucks some stray hair behind his ear, fiddling with it, wishing he had done more to secure it in its otherwise lackadaisical ponytail. He should have done more to make himself look more presentable. Kaworu, meanwhile, is saying something else about a treasure hunt. Kaworu is focused on the task at hand. And it's about time Shinji paid attention to more than his own relentless yearning.]

Mm, well, we might have to settle for something else, still... [He's really starting to notice what's for sale, and what preferences that reveals: a great variety of vegetables. Potatoes, and carrots, and other hearty, earthen things that'd go well in their own soups. It's always a little strange that totally foreign civilizations seem to have some of the same vegetables from Earth. Is celery supposed to be a universal constant?] But we can keep looking for a while longer. I kind of forgot how... [...] Just walking around, and looking at things--I forgot how nice it can be, in its own way.

Edited 2018-08-26 05:13 (UTC)

[As ever, constant like the length of ley lines, Kaworu is smiling at Shinji. He's smiling toward a bushel of dried herbs strung up from the height of a stall, but his smile is for Shinji. It's at Shinji. Even if only its corner is visible, his angle little more than a profile... But, even if he's not looking, he can understand the sense of Shinji's anxious focus and lack of focus. He smiles because it's a sweet thing, when Shinji touches his own hair. The line of his wrist is sweet, and so is his always-churning heart. There you are, Kaworu thinks, maybe unaligned. Keep on going. Shinji's eyes, maybe, becoming aware of their surroundings. Or Shinji's heart, in walking alongside Kaworu.

There's a boyish joy that comes with that, and Kaworu tosses his head into it, light and laughing. His breath is a little laugh, and his eyes are brighter ones. His face is tilted to watch Shinji (as ever--as constant as anything).]

I like looking, too.

[True in two senses. It's as flirtatious as it is warmly earnest.]

Hey, I think we're going to learn something new, right here.

[Right: one new thing each day.]

[Kaworu's laughter--his breath, his eyes--the unbroken entirety of him--does things to Shinji's insides that he'll never understand. He feels himself being twisted up into knots, and he feels those same knots being coaxed undone, with all the nervousness and nausea that much requires. In all the years he's known this person, it still doesn't take very much for Shinji to feel like an idiot, like he's unworthy, like he should go crawl back under a rock. He deserves cold dirt and mouthfuls of earthworms. Not this. Not this kindness. Not another warm, warming smile.]

There's still a lot to look at, so, we, uh... won't run out anytime soon...

[The further flirty meaning isn't lost on him, though. He's just sort of looking like he's trying to look directly into ten thousand suns: squinting, uncomfortable, but determined all the same.]

Maybe we could find a recipe book for sale, and I could make something... something we haven't had before, if you're okay with that. We could try something new, I mean. So we'd be learning something new. Do you think that counts?

[One new thing each day. It's more often a nuisance than not, but...]

[Kaworu is ten thousand suns--undeniably--he knows that much, too. He had to practice all that expanse. He had to learn, and it was hard... he learned to temper himself from immediate obliteration to something easier to admire. Something worthy of exploration, over a too-hot neediness, eating everything too quickly and without savoring the potential to be loved. But aside from all those suns, Kaworu can be a cooler thing, something soothing in its contact. A mark of dawn, but not blinding. The essence of mist over a lake, more like.

He turns his face up toward the sky, and he shuts his eyes. It's not for the brightness, but just to enjoy it. He does it just for the sake of joy. In his voice, there are the suns, and there is the morning mist:] When we're together, I want to try new things. Yeah. When we're together, it feels good, to try new things. It feels safer to do that. [It didn't, before. Something new could spell disaster. Kaworu thinks he must have stumbled into true bravery, in all these shared small adventures.] Every time a new thing feels good, I learn something. So it surely counts.

[And Shinji feels a little too much like young sunflowers, always turning to face the sun--or the suns, as the case may be. He's seeking more warmth when he looks at Kaworu, and when Kaworu is looking up at the sky, radiant in his pleasure. Shinji wonders what it's like to smile as often as Kaworu does. He has to wonder who or what made Kaworu smile for the first time, especially when there's really never been all that much to smile about. Maybe it was something as simple as some flowers in a field, as bright as anything, greeting a brand-new day. They've both dreamt of lush, thriving, flower-swept planets of unexplored origin, haven't they?]

Yeah, it... [It feels good. It does feel good.] Yeah, I think so, too. Okay, then... [He's feeling better about the recipe idea, now that he has Kaworu's express approval. Biting at the corner of his lips, he glances over his shoulder in the direction of more stalls and more storefronts. They're a colorful sight, lined up one after another, all eager to be patronized.] I might've seen a bookstore back that way somewhere. I was gonna ask if we could stop in before we left, but we can just start with that, instead.

[Even at the periphery, he's searching for more of Kaworu's approval. Always, always searching.]

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