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[astrobleme]

[There's just a generic, computer-synthesized greeting that implores you to leave a message at your convenience.]

Comments

[astrobleme]

[Shinji doesn't bother to question it. Like so many other things, his unique but mysterious connection to Kaworu can be explained with one word: Angel.]

I'm always doing something wrong even when I'm not doing anything

I can't stand it

[paraclete]

Though, what you are considering to be wrong, someone else may not.

["Someone else" meaning...? Come on, Kaworu will whiteknight Shinji against anyone—he'll even whiteknight Shinji to Shinji.]

What wrongs are causing you this pain?

[astrobleme]

[With Kaworu, it's so much easier to spill his guts all over the place:]

I was waiting for Asuka on her ship because we were going to play darts but then this guy came up out of nowhere and he was angry I was there and I didn't know who he was but he wanted me to leave but I didn't want to and then he dragged me out and

I think he was going to hurt me I don't

know I don't know what I did wrong

but Asuka found out and now she's mad and I'm making everyone mad

I can't go anywhere without people hating me

[paraclete]

[There's a terrible taste in Kaworu's mouth, and it spreads down his esophagus, then low into his stomach; this might be what happens when a human being drinks bleach.]

I feel sure that Shikinami-san isn't angry with what you did. I feel sure that she is angry with this other person. That is not your fault.

Whatever hatred this person feels for you is symptomatic of his own self. You cannot control what a person thinks of you. No individual treads without hatred at their heels. But wherever you are, you will also be loved by [...] us.

Where are you now?

[astrobleme]

[One person's irrational opinion of him definitely shouldn't matter... but combined with every other stressful thing, it's threatening his sanity. Tattered though his sanity is.]

On a shuttle at my ship

I wanted to go to the Solrius place but now I don't want to do anything

Asuka's coming here shes ays

I don't know

I'm tired Kaworu-kun

[paraclete]

[Kaworu wants to rush over, but if Asuka is on her way, he knows he probably isn't necessary.]

When Shikinami-san comes to you, I'm sure she will want to help you.

If you do nothing, your heart will do nothing, too. But if you do something, your heart will also do something; and it might be something good. I think you should go with her.

Perhaps after a little rest, though.

[astrobleme]

I don't want to go anywhere

It's not worth it

If I stayed in bed all day then I'd have less chance to screw everything up

and I wouldn't feel like this

you wouldn't be wasting your time on me

sorry

[paraclete]

Hey, Shinji-kun, I have to ask,

Are you apologizing because you think I'm upset with you, or because you're upset with yourself?

[astrobleme]

[Believe it or not, "Why are you apologizing?" isn't something he's often asked. There's a distinct pause before he comes up with an answer... (It's just long enough that, in puzzling over the question, he actually starts to calm down.)]

I'm sorry for being the way I am but also just in case you're upset with me. So it's both of those things I guess?

[paraclete]

But, Shinji-kun,

I love you the way you are, and I am not upset with you.

So, you see? It's all right.

[astrobleme]

[...]

Can I tell you a secret?

[paraclete]

You can tell me anything.

[astrobleme]

I want[...]ed to hurt him. The guy from Asuka's ship

And I think I could have if I tried

Like it would've been the easiest thing

I don't know if I'm safe to be around, Kaworu-kun.

[paraclete]

Every person hurts other people. More than once, even. In that respect, being alive could be considered "unsafe".

But we are alive, aren't we? And we have hurt before, and we have been hurt before. But I am around you, and you are around me. And, Shinji-kun,

[...

Probably it's a sort of self-sabotage to even bring this up, but,]

I am not the only one who wants to be around you. I am not the only one who loves you more than safety.