i'm afraid if i listen to my heart once, i'll never figure out how to ignore it again.

[astrobleme]

Just sit still for a minute, okay? [Frowning to himself, Shinji uncaps the tube of extra-strength anesthetic gel. He had a long, frustrating day out in the fields, trying and failing to get some second-hand machinery to work, and he was hoping he'd be able to go to bed early. Unfortunately, Asuka is too restless right now, in far too much pain, what with her new horns coming in and all of that.] You could do this yourself, you know. You don't have to wait for me if it hurts...

[He squirts out a dollop of the transparent gel--it smells strongly of menthol. He rubs it between his fingers and then applies it to the base of Asuka's horns, the left side first. When she flinches, he tells her to sit still again, please, come on.]

Do you want this stuff anywhere else?

[She did mention the root of her tail as another source of discomfort. And, also, uhm... her nipples, which was a pretty shameless declaration. Can't really blame her, though. Asuka's understanding of social mores isn't the greatest.

But at least she agreed to continue wearing shirts during the day. They're long and flowing, with room to grow, like something a pregnant woman would wear. Seated on his bed, she's looking distinctly wider compared to just a few weeks ago... probably shouldn't be feeding her so much human food...]

Comments

[interstices]

I want to wait.

[Asuka's speech is a little halting still, but getting better every day. There isn't much talking in the stables. There isn't much to talk about. Ever since Mr. Ikari's s-- Shinji bought her, though, she's been overrun with questions, bizarre ones like how she's feeling, if she hurts, if she wants more of that apple pie. He won't let her eat just using her mouth. He's trying to teach her things. He's trying to act like she isn't livestock.]

[It had been really irritating, at first. It still is. Sleeping in a bed like a human being, staying in his house instead of a cage. She hadn't known what to do about that, and that first day, she'd just stood there for hours, back towards the front door, until he came home. She was that uncertain. Instead of touching anything, instead of exploring, she had just stared at everything within viewing distance, his books, his TV, his couches and chairs. She couldn't possibly be allowed in a place like this. Couldn't possibly.]

[She makes a small mmm of a murmur, shifts on the bed, and raises the back of her shirt, displaying her ass without provocation or shame. The incoming tail, now about a fingerlength, makes the skin around it ache a lot, and if it weren't for the softness of his bed, it might be hard to sit.]

[At least her feet haven't started changing yet. That's going to be worse.]

I can't reach there good. The tube's hard. And here. I told you. [She grabs the front hem of her shirt now, peeling it up to her breasts. It's no big deal. Mr. Ikari and even he himself have seen her naked at the farm for years.]

[astrobleme]

[Shinji's idealism for Asuka has crashed headlong into reality, that's for sure. He thought it would be a simple endeavor to get Asuka acclimated to human things, but it's required lot of work, a lot of practice, a lot of patience. If he doesn't tell her what to do, she tends not to do much of anything on her own. Just frustrating. But he's nonetheless resolved to guide Asuka through these early stages, no matter what.

He doesn't react overtly when Asuka displays her ass for him, but he can't deny that she's a beautiful creature. The sort of cow that would someday win blue ribbons at the prefecture fair. And her breasts... They're still modest compared to the potential of her pedigree, but they've been getting bigger. She doesn't need to wear a bra, that's how buoyant they are, and she wouldn't abide by one anyway. She tore off the panties almost as soon as she tugged them on.]

I just want your transition to be a comfortable one, Asuka. I've been putting those cold packs in the freezer for you, which should help with the swelling. And if it gets really bad, the vet said he'd prescribe you something stronger than the aspirin. [While he's speaking, Shinji squeezes more anesthetic gel onto his fingers. Then he smears it over and around one of her nipples, rubbing slowly but firmly, in concentric circles. Her skin is so soft now that she's taking daily baths. Not a speck of dirt is visible, either. She's come a long way from the grubby little girl he used to visit in the stables.]

[interstices]

[Asuka nods silently. What he calls a transition should have happened years ago. She was such a late bloomer that it was disturbing, late enough that she'd seriously feared being sold off as excess or worse. She'd even wondered if she wasn't a cow, though she knew she was. It was a weird kind of relief, then, when the signs finally manifested. She wasn't defective or ill-bred. Just late, that's all.]

[He's too good for her, just like when they wee kids. Asuka's been waiting for the day he gets tired of her and gives up, but it hasn't happened. Shinji doesn't understand the way things are, and he doesn't understand that she's okay with most of it. Her whole life spent in the stables taught her plenty. Taught her there's only the strong and the weak in this world. There's no place for the kind.]

Okay. [She winces a little at the mention of the vet. His rounds had never meant anything good. Occasionally, they'd even meant a quarantine somewhere on the farm.] It won't get that bad. [Half-involuntarily, she squirms as more of the gel gets rubbed on her nipple. Pretty soon, she'll start producing milk. For now, she's just swelling up.]

[Her nipples are getting stiff from all that rubbing and massaging. Even the one he's not currently working on. Her thighs, still more skin than hide, twitch nervously. No milk yet, no cool breeze. She frowns.]

Everybody else just got the medicine. [The medicine during the transition was an injection. Something for pain that left a lot of the cows weird for awhile.] And they did fine.

[astrobleme]

[For several years, Shinji had been foolish enough to hope that Asuka was somehow not a cow, that some sort of mistake had been made, that she was just another normal kid like him. The sprouting of her horns finally destroyed that notion for good. Now he's worried that she's going to end up like all the other dairy cows: docile, disinclined to speak, with interests that don't amount to more than eating and being milked. He still isn't sure how he's going to handle the milking aspect of it all. He doesn't want to subject her to a cold, cruel, unyielding pump, but milking her manually would be... uhm...

But the point is, there's no chance in hell that he's ever going to get tired of her. He didn't pay a damn mint to liberate her from his father's farm just to throw her away later. They're going to stay with each other. And she's going to have a good life from now on. Period.]

The medicine... [Cow tranquilizers. Shinji's lips twist into more of a frown. His fingers, meanwhile, move over to the other sore nipple to apply the gel there.] You know the medicine would make you totally out of it for, like, three months, right? Maybe even longer than that. I don't think you'd like it. [Not to mention, that crap can cause some serious side effects: the reduction in cognition, coordination, and so on. Some cows won't survive at all if their hearts aren't strong enough. Shinji's father hardly gave a shit when that happened, just thought of it as culling the herd, which angered Shinji to no end...

He reaches behind Asuka to spread more gel at the root of her tail. It should end up being more than half a meter long by the time the transition is over. He tries not to stare at how round and full her ass is getting--no stretchmarks to speak of. That's the sign of a healthy, resilient, especially bountiful cow.]

Do you feel any better now?

[His fingers have gone numb, but it's worth it to bring her some relief.]

[interstices]

They're all puffy. [Still holding up her shirt with her other hand, Asuka pokes at each nipple with her finger. They don't really look any different at all, but they feel huge from the anesthetic gel. As if they've gone to sleep. Huge and more like she's poking and prodding someone else than herself, the sensation funny and muted. It's the same at her horns and the base of her tail, but there's no pain anymore, either. After a few more seconds of experimental squeezing, she stops, tugging her shirt back down. It still feels bizarre to wear, though at least it's not as constricting as those panties. Really. Shinji's so strange, trying to make a human out of her. So strange.]

[He's right about the medicine. She's seen it in action plenty, seen cows die from it and get dragged out of the stable. She didn't want it for herself-- all she's trying to question is why he wouldn't take it as a first resort. Even older cows Mr. Ikari had bought from other farms had received that same treatment. The care and concern Shinji has for her doesn't make sense.]

It doesn't hurt now. [There's no real etiquette among cows, but if there were, she might have thanked him. As it is, she at least looks happier, slight smile starting to tug up the corners of her face. She's always been pretty expressive for an animal.] I like it better when you do it. Feels better.

[astrobleme]

[It doesn't hurt. Thank goodness. Shinji feels some amount of his anxiety melt away, replaced by a warm, kind-of-fuzzy feeling. This silly little cow... She's so literal when she speaks, genuine, unfiltered--and Shinji appreciates that a lot. He doesn't have to wonder how she's feeling or what she's thinking about. So far, she's been curiously confused about living here, with moments of excitement and peacefulness in between. No outright distress. Nothing like that. If he can make her happy for real, then straddling bankruptcy isn't such a bad thing.]

Or maybe you're just being a pile of lazy bones, [he says, starting to smile back at her. Not an indictment on his part. Some breeds of cow are notoriously lazy as long as they have an adequate supply of food and water. And he doesn't really mind taking care of her, either, because that's the lifestyle she's accustomed to.]

Hey, did you have your dinner yet? I left a note on the fridge about it... [It directed Asuka to a red plastic container in the fridge, with instructions for operating the microwave. She had the opportunity to dine on fresh fruit, a grilled cheese sandwich, a cup of tomato soup, salted crackers, and a generous helping of chocolate cake. Half of that is stuff he shouldn't be feeding her, but she seems to like it a lot, so... An extra inch on her hips isn't the end of the world...] Oh, and we should measure you, see how much you've grown. I'm willing to bet you'll be producing milk before you know it. Still a ways to go, though.

[He recaps the tube and deposits it on the bedside table. More than once, Asuka has woken up in the middle of the night with additional aches and pains, so he's had to take care of her then. Sleeping in the same bed isn't at all appropriate, but he doesn't want her to feel alone after leaving the stables. (It seriously is inappropriate.) (His father would be so disgusted.) (Oh, whatever.)]

[interstices]

I'm not lazy-- [but she's sort of smiling when she says it. Most cows, even before transition, are docile things, not prone to aggression or really any disagreeableness, unlike her. She never really fights where humans are concerned, but around the other cows, her temper and appetite are unparalleled. Mr. Ikari, then, had made a considerably higher profit selling her at a premium to his son than if he'd taken her to market, never mind her pedigree.]

[She takes a minute to consider, mouth pursed. Using the microwave hadn't been hard-- she knows how to read, and knows her numbers-- but the problem had started when she put the entire container in, crackers, fruit, and all.]

Strawberries got mushy in the microwave. [Some had exploded and stained the inside of the microwave, in fact, smearing everywhere. Asuka hadn't been sure what to do about it, and ended up putting some paper towels on the splotches and leaving them there. It's a bare improvement from earlier, when her uncertainty meant she'd just stare balefully and a little disgusted at whatever mess was at hand.] And the frosting melted. But the rest was really good. I put the dish in the sink like you said.

[All in all, she isn't sure she likes how humans heat their food up. She brightens when he mentions being measured. That's been a sore point for most of her life in the stables, but now that she's manifesting her horns and tail, she just knows there are improvements elsewhere already.] Okay. [The shirt, loose and flowy, is tugged off without a second thought. Asuka's used to obeying commands promptly-- but then a thought pulls at her.] Oh. But you didn't eat. You should do that first.

[astrobleme]

[Shinji blinks. He blinks again. And that's when the horror of it all dawns on him: Asuka put the entire container inside the microwave. Oh no, he thinks, already annoyed at having another mess to clean up. To be fair, it's his fault for not outlining exactly what goes in the microwave and what doesn't... He has to be patient with her while she's adjusting... They've just been having a difficult few weeks with other issues, like getting Asuka to use the toilet; there's still newspaper spread all over and a plastic liner on the bed. She's adapting to the human way of life, slowly but surely, so he tells himself not to be too upset about this.

His smile doesn't waver more than a little.]

I'm glad you liked it, Asuka. The, uh... the strawberries and cake weren't supposed to go in there, but it's all right. I'll just clean that up before we go to bed.

[He opens the drawer to the bedside table and pulls out a soft measuring tape, the kind used for making clothes. It belonged to his mother, or so he was told, and it's one of the only artifacts of hers that he's been able to hold on to. His father destroyed all the family photos at some point.]

Not really hungry, [he says, which is something of a lie. He's just too tired to worry about eating when he has a bunch of other chores to deal with.] It's fine if we do this right now. No problem.

[So he directs Asuka to lift up her arms, allowing him to loop the measuring tape around her breasts. Her nipples do look more swollen than usual, not too bad, just a sign of things to come.] Mmm... yeah, you're really coming along. See? This is how big you were last week. [He shows her the difference on the measuring tape--several centimeters in all--and then sets to work on evaluating other parts of her body. Below her bust, her waist, her hips, then the circumference of one thigh. Decent numbers everywhere. Asuka is on track to be a prodigious dairy cow.]

Do you like being bigger? [He's pretty sure he knows the answer, but...]

[interstices]

[She's always messing up. There's just too much to pay attention to among humans. In the stables, she only had to deal with eating and sleeping and making sure no one honed in on what was hers-- which really only amounted to food. Cows didn't possess anything else. Sometimes she would hoard her own stash when she was little, but most of the time she simply bullied the others out of more than their share.]

[Here, though, there are rules and etiquette. She's not allowed to answer the door or the phone, which is okay, but she's also not allowed to use only her mouth at mealtime. She has to use her hands and preferably a fork or spoon. She can't relieve herself outside, and can only relieve herself inside in one specific place. It's confusing and disheartening all at once, but Shinji's always trying to encourage her. She wants his approval. He's trying a silly thing, making her act human, but she's doing her best to please him.]

[She nods happily after he measures her and asks her that question. He didn't need to tell her how big she was last week-- she'd memorized the number immediately. Her kind usually has poor long-term memory and cognition that's hampered by their need to feed and their need to be milked, but she's always liked learning things. Granted, from reading to numbers, he's taught her most everything practical she knows.]

Yeah. I knew already. [96 cm was her bust measurement last week, and now it's 102.] Six cm more on my breasts. [Simple subtraction, but she's pleased anyway. That's the biggest increase of all the measurements. She pronounces the abbreviation as see-em. As to his other comment...]

Yeah. It's nice. I couldn't get that big before. Even though I was hungry. [For a human, Asuka's tits and ass would have been in a good range prior to her transition, but for a dairy cow, she'd been looking close to scrawny.] I bet the milk will be good. [Her mother had always produced prolific amounts, at least.] Then you won't have to work so much.

[astrobleme]

[Shinji's father told him it was pointless to associate with any of the cows--and it was especially useless to teach them anything. He'd say stuff like a cow had no practical use for numbers or the written word, so why bother teaching them, so on and so forth. But those objections just made Shinji all the more determined to defy them however he could. Clandestinely, usually out in the far pasture, Shinji would pull Asuka aside and give her lessons on various things. They worked through the number system, to begin with, and then branched out from there...]

Six centimeters. That's right. [That's neither too much nor too little for the transition. Kyoko, Asuka's mother, was known for her humongous breasts as well as her impressive milk production. Shinji's father and the farmhands had been disappointed that Asuka wasn't following in those blue ribbon footsteps... but she's going to prove them wrong, it looks like. There's still time for her to catch up to those records. Still time for her to shatter them.

Smiling a little wearily, Shinji says,] You shouldn't worry about how much work I'm doing. There's an old farmer's tale that anxious cows don't produce as much milk as they're supposed to... [He gives one of her breasts a consolatory pat, wondering if the milk really will be as good as she's hoping for. If past behavior is any indication, she'll be majorly upset if she isn't the most delicious... and while he thinks about that, his hand is curving around her breast, weighing it, giving it a gentle squeeze. He doesn't mean to molest her or something. He's just, you know... evaluating...]

Should get you weighed, too.

[Pretty soon she'll be too heavy for him to pick up and carry around, like when they were kids. He liked to pretend he was a dashing prince saving a princess, while she just wanted to graze, mostly.]

[interstices]

Mr. Ikari cheated you. [She says it without much rancor. It's a simple fact, nothing more. She wasn't worth the high price she knows Shinji paid. Literate, sure, to some basic degree. Productive, no. Asuka nods her head importantly, forehead scrunched in determination.] So I'm going to make lots of milk for you. And I won't worry, either--

[Oh. Oh. Asuka blinks as her breast is patted and squeezed, looking at his hand in surprise. She wants to tell him there's nothing there yet, that he should know that, but... it's a funny thing. The numbness isn't there as much right now, and for a little moment there was something else in the bargain. Asuka's thighs shift and squeeze uncertainly, a tiny mm escaping her mouth.]

Don't weigh me yet. I'm still hungry.

[astrobleme]

[How mesmerizing. Squeezing Asuka's breast is like handling a stress ball, except it's warmer, softer, and attached to the rest of her. This wouldn't be so uncouth of him if she were already lactating...

Reluctantly, Shinji takes his hand away and clears his throat. Enough of that.]

You were worth it. Even if you don't produce anything, you're still worth it, Asuka. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[The other cows were none too happy about Asuka being chosen over the rest of them. Just plain jealous, really. Mr. Ikari's heartless factory farm is the polar opposite of the mostly carefree life that Shinji is offering here.

Still hungry, though? That's another sign of a bountiful cow, so he doesn't mind if she's prepared to eat him out of house and home.]

What do you want to eat? Or do you want me to just give you stuff until you've got a full tummy?

[interstices]

[Asuka frowns slightly when Shinji lets go of her, but she's quickly distracted. Here he goes, being nice again, trying to make her confident when all she'd done was state a fact. And a dairy cow that can't produce isn't worth anything-- but it feels very good to hear him say that's not true. Even if the words sound foreign and feel wrong, they're warming.]

Anything. [There's the remnants of that chocolate cake on the kitchen table, under a glass cover, that Asuka looked at longingly for awhile after eating her meal but didn't touch herself. It's fine, taking food from other cows, but humans are sacrosanct. Subservience to them has been bred into Asuka's ilk for generations. Besides, in this carpeted, strange existence, she's clumsy. She has trouble with most of her fine motor skills from utter lack of use. Hands accustomed to grubbing and pawing at the dirt aren't so good at grasping forks or even plates with precision.]

[She hops off the bed, her bare breasts jiggling. She would have been fine eating anywhere in the house, but Shinji doesn't seem to like having food where he sleeps. She's starting out the door behind him (she's always waiting on him to give her the okay to follow on instinct) when a thought starts tugging at her too much.]

You touched me. How come?

[astrobleme]

[Shinji has seriously considered leaving post-it notes around the house for Asuka, so she knows what's allowed and what's not. No crumbs in bed, yeah, but she can eat in the living room as long as she cleans up after herself. She can read any of the book on the shelves, but she has to get his permission before touching the laptop--so on and so forth. He smiles to himself, both exasperated and feeling fond of her, and turns around to head for the door...

Oh shit.]

Er...

[She's naïve as a result of inexperience, not any sort of stupidity. Of course she noticed her master getting handsy with her when there's no milk to be collected. Deviant. Inexcusable. Just plain illegal... It's one of the worst crimes out there, what he's this close to doing, and she probably knows that as well as he does.

Shinji slows to a stop, awkward as hell, trying and failing to think of an excuse. Then:]

I won't touch you if you don't want to be touched.

[Consent. That's important. Very much so. He's always believed that dairy cows should be granted bodily autonomy and other freedoms. Depending on her answer, it should also give him insight into what she thinks of it. It's deviant and inexcusable, and it's just plain illegal, but he wants to know if she liked it...]

[interstices]

[Asuka looks him up and down, lower lip poked out. He looks guilty and weirdly caught-- it's not an expression she associates with humans, who almost always seem so sure of themselves around cattle. She's had a sheltered existence, but not so sheltered that she can't recognize something like want.]

[When they were little, back when she was still able to occasionally sneak some of her mother's milk for herself, she remembers kind of thinking, kind of hoping, that he was like her instead of like Mr. Ikari. They could play all the time then. Once, voicing that to an older cow, she'd been slapped. She didn't understand the order of things. She didn't understand that Mr. Ikari's son was meant for more than just playing with a silly calf, and that suggesting so was an insult not just to him, but to the entire farm. For a day or two after, she'd tried avoiding him, not understanding but still ashamed, but soon enough they were having fun together like before. She likes to think she gets it now, she understands the difference, but since he's brought her here it's like he's telling her she's been wrong all this time.]

It was nice.

[Not like the cold way Mr. Ikari and the vet would touch her. Hitting puberty without hitting transition. The drug cocktails to induce the latter state hadn't really worked, just made her breasts swollen and tender and still utterly empty.]

I liked it. [No sense lying to any human, but especially not to him. She touches one nipple, then shrugs, more out of uncertainty than indifference.] You like them?

[astrobleme]

--Nice?

[Shinji's voice cracks a little from surprise. He tells himself to look at Asuka like a farmer should look at a cow, as a source of profit, prestige, maybe a useful pet at best--but he sees a blossoming woman instead. Her honesty will be the death of him, he thinks.]

You liked it?

[He's spent years trying to temper his attraction to Asuka, with nothing to show for it. Even when they were kids, before the whirl of puberty was a thing, he thought she was so much fun to hang out with. She was totally unlike other kids in town--all the sneering bullies who thought Shinji was a nerd, a loser, and part of an empire that was driving smaller dairy farmers out of business. Asuka, for better or worse, didn't seem to care about his social standing. She played tag with him, and hide-and-go-seek, and she'd even push him really high on the tire swing if he asked her nicely. They'd huddle out in the fields under a blanket and watch the stars come out together...

His father didn't approve of it. But if Shinji ever found out what a backhand felt like, he never mentioned that to anyone. Mostly, he worked as hard as he could, odd job to odd job, scrimping and saving until he could buy out Asuka's certificate.]

They're...

[This is not the conversation he should be having. She's naïve, which makes her vulnerable; he doesn't want to take advantage of her. Shrugging one shoulder, he's rather reluctant when he replies, addressing her feet instead of her face.]

They're, uhm... I know you've wanted them for a long time...

[Dear god. It sounds like he's talking about a shiny new toy.

He adds, weakly,] They look good on you.

[interstices]

Oh.

[Asuka doesn't brighten up at the compliment like usual, her frown, if anything, deepening. He could've said he liked them. He has to like them, or he wouldn't have touched them. It shouldn't matter so much-- Asuka's feelings aren't that easily hurt, at least by her own kind-- but she's stung, especially when he won't look her in either the breasts or the eyes, both better targets than her still-unchanged feet.]

[Shinji doesn't make any sense. He should know he can do whatever he'd like. He's bought her. He doesn't have to treat her like-- like a girl instead of a cow. He doesn't have to fidget around what he wants, if he wants it. Asuka's gaze falters; she nervously pulls at a strand of her hair (so straight and smooth that she barely recognizes it), and then turns back towards the bed.]

You go eat. I'm not hungry now.

[astrobleme]

[What?]

What? What're you... [A not-hungry cow is almost unheard of. Shinji has actually read about cows causing riots at other farms when they weren't getting enough feed. His father's farm, of course, provided the cows with more than enough to sustain them, even with Asuka stealing as much as she could for herself. So it's just plain bizarre to watch her change her mind like that.

But then Shinji realizes what's going on, all at once, and it's like being struck by lightning. He fucked up. He really and truly fucked up this time. He isn't the most practiced when it comes to social interaction, but he knows when he has hurt someone's feelings--including Asuka's.]

Hey, I wasn't trying to... [He looks up at her, frowning, visibly queasy.] Asuka, I didn't mean to give you the wrong impression. [Once he takes a deep breath, he says,] I like them. I like your breasts. Maybe... maybe more than I should, but I do... like them... [...] Just putting that out there. Yeah. [He looks appropriately ashamed of himself for having to clarify his own perverse foolishness.]

[interstices]

You're just saying that. [Asuka picks up the shirt as she traipses across the bedroom, pulling it on. It's the only thing so far she's been okay with wearing, because it's loose and the material's soft. Pretty, even, probably, but she hasn't noticed.]

[She's not being fair, anyway, and she knows it. What he's tiptoeing around saying, what makes him look so ill and ashamed, isn't any more right than her own childish wish that he lived in the stables like her. She understands that. She does. But--]

I don't know what you want. [Asuka swallows, trying to use her words carefully. Her tongue's gotten more exercise over the past few weeks than it has in at least a year, but sometimes, listening to him talk, usually (unlike now) without too much stuttering or backtracking, she's pathetically jealous.] You always treat me like I'm like you. Let me live with you. In your bed. I'm not... stupid. But you should tell me.

[astrobleme]

[His frown deepens.] I'm not just saying that, [he protests, and in a weird way he's reminded of all the stupid little arguments they used to get into when they were kids. However, this is a hell of a lot more important than whether or not a caterpillar is safe to mess with.] Listen, I want the same thing I did last year and the year before that--for you to be happy. And I always thought you'd be happier if you were treated better than the other cows. You're special. That's what I think.

[This is more embarrassing than a mere compliment for her boobs. He sighs, then, hoping his cheeks aren't too red yet. (They are.)]

Honestly, I don't... think of you as a cow, not really. You're just Asuka to me. You're my friend. Probably my best friend. [Definitely his best friend. Shinji doesn't have any other friends to speak of.] I know this is a turbulent time for you, so I don't want to make things more difficult, you know? So even if I want to... touch your breasts, I shouldn't, because you have enough to deal with, and...

[What a trainwreck.]

[interstices]

[Asuka didn't know.]

[No, that's not right. Asuka thought they were friends, as much as they could be, as much as she tried to berate herself for being so ridiculous, when she got older. But she didn't know she rated so highly. She didn't know that Shinji thought so much about her. Could place her that far beyond where a cow like her ought to be. Best friend was for humans, not... not...]

[She swallows, shaking her head. She's been wrong all this time. Treating the things he taught her about house rules and stuff like a confusing game she wanted to distance herself from. Thinking this was something odd he was doing, letting her stay with him, not recognizing any deeper meaning behind it. Like it was a lark on his part. (It wasn't. She knows full well he paid more for her than she was worth.)]

It's not. It's not turbulent. Just weird. [Asuka's struggling for expression. Only around Shinji has she ever been too aware of what she's lacked. When they were kids, it'd manifest mostly in bouts of temper when she couldn't find and didn't know the words for what she wanted. Stomping around, being a menace. Shinji, unfortunately, has been the recipient of her anger more than once, and eased her out of it just as many times. Now she's just pursing her lips, frown deepening in a subconscious imitation.]

Shinji. [She exhales.] I'd let you.

[astrobleme]

But you shouldn't let me, [Shinji says, his voice tending toward weak and watery.] I'm the one who's being weird, and wanting things I shouldn't want. I'm the one who's making things difficult here. [He was fourteen years old when he originally decided he wanted to run away with Asuka. They didn't manage to get very far, though. No more than a few miles through the forest that surrounded the pasture. They ended up just spending the night in a shabby old tent he borrowed from a classmate, huddling together for warmth. By the next morning, they were both miserable and hungry as hell, and it turned out he hadn't packed enough food for Asuka, much less himself. They went back home with nothing but some awful bug bites to show for it.

Moving out to this farmstead is the closest thing to really running away. He should be happy about that--their licitly earned independence--instead of enamored with Asuka's swelling breasts. Even when she's wearing a shirt, they make themselves obvious, stretching out the fabric, and...

Ugh.]

Let's just talk about this later, okay? You need to eat and keep up your strength.

[interstices]

[She doesn't want to talk about this later. Later, he'll have his defenses up and they won't really discuss it. Later, he'll... he'll distract her somehow like usual, explaining something else like the icemaker on the freezer door, or the reason humans couldn't really nod off while standing up, or something. She distracts herself, really, asking about things like that, though she feels as if she can't help it. She's even hesitantly started to read through an old algebra book from his shelf. There's too much she doesn't know about. Probably why it's taken so long to come to this point.]

[He's wrong, anyway. As her master, technically, he can want whatever he'd like out of her, even something perverted. It doesn't have to make him feel guilty. And the odd thing is, the really odd thing is, it wouldn't with her, either.]

[And she's disinclined to argue with him for long over anything serious, natural subservience to humans taking over. Asuka nods, expression still disenchanted at best. Her stomach, which hasn't seen a single, solitary day in which she wasn't hungry, chooses that moment to growl and gurgle in agreement.]

You eat, too. [She did leave the rest of the cake under the glass cover for him.] We'll weigh after.

[astrobleme]

[None of the other cows have displayed even half of the intelligent spark that Asuka has. That's what Shinji means when he says she's special...]

Yeah. After we eat.

[It takes some real effort on his part, but he makes enough food to satiate her stomach by relying on rice, vegetables, and plenty of eggs. They split what's left of the cake (although Asuka ends up eating half of his piece), which is nice, and things don't feel as painfully awkward by the time they're heading back upstairs.

In the master bathroom, there's a digital scale waiting for them in front of the sink. It goes up to 136 kilograms, which is plenty for her, at least for now. Shinji guides her onto the metallic platform and tells her to stand still.

Beep. And there's the result, in bright red numerals.]

That's an exponential gain, [he says approvingly, after telling her the number. She couldn't see the read-out over the horizon of her breasts.] If you keep this up, your breasts are going to be all the way out to here before the season changes. [He indicates here with his hand--it's quite a ways away--] And your hips, too... [He touches one of her hips gently, just imagining what it'll be like at twice the width. She'll have trouble with the kitchen chairs. Damn.] And maybe you'll even get a bit of a tummy. [Don't touch her, he thinks, even though he hasn't been able to stop thinking about touching her. His hand shifts higher anyway, rubbing over her warm, slightly distended stomach. She feels so good. If he likes it, and she likes it, then...]

I know you think I paid too much for you, but I really didn't.

[She gave him too much credit. Now that they're alone, his self-control has been slowly self-destructing.]

[interstices]

[She's pleased, very pleased, at the increase. She learned about exponents in that algebra book of his, though she didn't try any of the problems. She's not so good with pencils and pens. But it's neat. Two squared is four, four squared is sixteen, sixteen squared is two-fifty-six... the numbers get huge so quickly. She'll get huge so quickly, if this keeps up. Breast jutting way out like the best of Mr. Ikari's cows, hips definitely able to bear healthy calves... she grins at all his indications, and grins harder when he rubs against her stomach. As long as that doesn't come close to eclipsing her breasts, that's okay. She's full now, and as always, that means her mood is more pleasant, more relaxed, but it won't be long before she's hungry again.]

You did. [He's touching her again and this time, he's not acting ashamed of it. Like cows, maybe humans have a way of getting weird when they're hungry. Shinji mostly just got upset, that time they tried to run away together, though. She reaches to touch his hand, the one on her belly, to keep it there for at least a bit longer.] But I'm going to make lots of milk for you. Just like I said.

[astrobleme]

[It is shameful. He should be ashamed of himself. Every time he jerked off during his teens, thinking of Asuka's curves, he hated himself a little more intensely than the time before. Right now, though--right now, he's really tired, that's all. He did all of the pending household chores in between cooking more food for Asuka, so he's just plain wiped out at this point. That makes it harder to resist his vulgar impulses. He's too drained to deal with feelings of shame. More than anything else, he wants to lie down with Asuka and fall asleep to the vaguely erotic sound of her breathing...

But he can't convince himelf to step away from her, much less to stop touching her. Her skin is still softer than not, but down her legs it's going to resemble hide by the end of the transition. From working with the other cows, he knows it will have an interesting, rougher sort of texture, but not in an unpleasant way.]

So how do you want to be milked? With the machine? Or... [Manually, of course. In the mirror, her shirt looks even tighter than he remembers it being before dinner. Her body is becoming more efficient at converting calories into mammary flesh.] The other cows told me it feels good. Really good. [His reflection smiles self-consciously.] I remember--there were a couple older ones that always wanted me to milk them by hand, because they said I had a gentle touch. Kind of funny, huh.

[interstices]

[She gives that some serious consideration as she looks at herself. Her mother's breasts had, as long as she'd known her, been so full and heavy she had to be hooked up to the machine-- that was the way most cows were. They looked happy when they were hooked up. Relieved. Sometimes they'd make noises while they were milked, and it was years before she ever realized why.]

[The machine's more productive, but Shinji touching her is warmer. His hands are nice. Callused from hard work and tanned from being outside too long. They feel good on her. She decided that way before tonight.]

You can do it.

[She's watching herself and watching him in the mirror. She still can't believe her own reflection, which is one she's only ever seen occasional glimpses of prior to Shinji buying her. At the mirror in the vet's office, for instance, and her blurred reflection in the water trough and in the small lake at the far edge of the farm. She can't believe how she looks, and how much better it is than when she came here. Tamed hair. Clean face, albeit overcome with freckles. Blue eyes, mildly unusual for her breed-- but what interests her is mostly just how she's filling out that shirt and how the material clings not just to her bust, but to her hips and ass. Cows are bred for size, not for facial features. Her hand, a bit rough still, rhythmically traces the back of his. It's a little outrageous, and she knows it, but she's touched him more than this before. She licked at a scrape on his knee once when he fell off his bike.]

It's nicer that way. Won't get all the milk. But it's nicer. [An idea's come to mind, one that's massive in its lack of subtlety.] You haven't milked anyone in a long time. Bet you're... you're not so good now. Out of practice.

[astrobleme]

Out of practice...

[Shinji repeats the phrase slowly, unsure of what she's really trying to say. It's true that he hasn't touched a cow's breasts in a while, but he shouldn't need to practice a chore he grew up doing on an almost daily basis. It's like riding a bicycle--you don't ever forget how it works. Muscle memory and all that.

But the meaning behind Asuka's wrds is beginning to dawn on him. His eyebrows jolt upward, startled, on the way to intrigued. If she's suggesting what he thinks she's suggesting...]

You want me to practice on you?

[Practically speaking, her breasts are going to be so much larger by the time she's ready to be milked, so practicing right now is a pointless endeavor. He doesn't mention that to her, though. He isn't thinking about anything other than how good it'd be to have an excuse to fondle her breasts... Then again, maybe it would help her to get more comfortable with the sensation of being handled by a human. Like he said, anxious cows don't produce as much milk as they're supposed to. He doesn't want her spluttering tiny droplets on her first full day of lactation. How embarrassing.

He's hesitant and then careful as he moves his hand higher, sliding beneath the hem of her shirt.

They should do this sort of thing--if they're going to do it at all--in a different setting, sterile and professional, with him wearing plastic gloves and his eyes averted. They should be treating this as an agreement between master and animal, not a favor between friends. Instead, he's looking right into her unusually blue eyes as he cups one of her breasts, again struck by how large it's gotten and so quickly. He squeezes it. Gently. Rhythmically, too, when he gives it another squeeze.]

If it doesn't feel good, [he murmurs,] then I'm doing something wrong. You should let me know.

[interstices]

No. It's good.

[It's better than good. Several years ago, when she'd first started puberty, hoping like hell the transition would start up during like it did for most cows, she remembers poking and squeezing at her own growing breasts, hoping for some of that pleasure that the others seemed to get. Self-stimulating never did much. Maybe a little right around her nipples-- now both of them are hard, though he's only touched one-- but that had been it. On the farm, she'd never even considered letting anyone else touch them that wasn't the vet or Mr. Ikari. Asuka's no more modest than any other animal, but she's plenty aware of what should and shouldn't be done.]

[This is a shouldn't. Suggesting it, even hinting at it, was a shouldn't, too. She just doesn't care. There's a funny tingling in her breasts, especially the one he's squeezing and running his hand over. It's shooting right down past her belly toward her groin. Warmth. A twitchiness that's oddly pleasant, but not enough.]

Other one.

[He couldn't milk both breasts at once with his hands, but she's known all along this isn't really practice, just an excuse to touch her. An excuse she's freely given her technical master and former playmate. She reaches out her hand to take his other wrist, suddenly murmuring her demand again.]

Do the other one.

[astrobleme]

[Breasts are natural erogenous zones for humans, too. But dairy cows were specifically bred for this to be more pleasurable, enforcing and reinforcing the idea that their entire purpose in life is to produce milk and be milked for it. Shinji doesn't remember half of the stuff in his biology textbooks, but it involves them having more nerves on their chests than most creatures. That's why he's applying all five fingers diligently, making sure to stimulate Asuka wherever he can grasp.]

Hey, don't rush me, [he says, somewhere between a tease and a reprimand.] I want to make sure I'm doing it right. [In reality, there's no farmer worth his or her salt that would say milking both breasts simultaneously is desirable technique. Shinji decides to just roll with it, though, and brings up his other hand to cradle the unattended side of Asuka's chest. He has to step closer to her to do that (too close), but it's for a good cause. She's getting so big that he has to be this close to be able to hold on to her.]

Beginners tend to think it's all about the nipples, but there's more to it than that...

[Daringly, he hoists her breasts upward to gauge their weight--heavy, getting heavier--and then lets them plop back down. He jiggles them. He rubs them in wide counterclockwise circles.]

You've got to work on the whole breast. Like you're squeezing a tube of toothpaste from the bottom, not the top.

[interstices]

Toothpaste? [Asuka wrinkles her nose-- it's yet another thing in Shinji's house she's had a messy run-in with-- but looks placid otherwise, eyes very nearly glazed from his continued efforts. It's so good. Her breasts don't hurt anymore, aren't remotely sore to the touch, even though the gel's definitely worn off. She starts murmuring under her breath, small, low mmmms of contentment, twisting her shoulders, pushing her breasts out for him as far as she can. The others were right. He has a soft touch, but all the same, she knows he never felt them up like this while he milked them.]

[There's no milk, but between her thighs, she's gotten damp. She's got enough presence of mind and mild in her pleasure-induced stupor to wonder why and then start to wriggle, one trembling hand reaching between her legs. She hasn't relieved herself like she was afraid of. It's just this clear fluid, easily spread between her fingers.]

[In the stables there are no exact codes of conduct or etiquette. What feels good gets repeated. Eating feels good. Milking feels good. And if milking feels like this... then mating should... mating should...]

[She plunges two fingers inside her swollen, open pussy, right up to the second knuckle, and groans.] Nngh...

[astrobleme]

[The edge of the sink kind of obscures what Asuka is doing to herself, but Shinji's imagination fills in every moment with radical detail. This is perfectly natural, he tells himself, fighting down the urge to run away. Even though she's his best friend, she's still a dairy cow, so this is perfectly natural. Farmers like him are supposed to take care of cows like her. A hundred years of selective breeding for enhanced skin sensitivity shouldn't be put to waste. Stimulation is an important part of this process and... and... and...

His fingers move forward, now encountering her nipples, still mindful of how sore they may or may not be. He pinches each of them, then gives one and then the other a good, long tug. Left side, right side. Left side, right side, and back to the left. The cows on his father's farm absolutely loved to have their nipples played with.]

Good girl. You're doing great.

[His voice is hushed, a bit strained, almost reverent. It's competing with the slick-squish of her fingers penetrating her pussy, two at a time, or maybe it's three, he isn't sure. He tilts his head closer, his nose pushing into her hair. She smells like soap and sweat and a warm musk that's unmistakably inhuman. I mustn't run away.]

It's going to be so much better when you have milk to give.

[And he's getting even closer now. His groin nudges up against her generous backside, helping to keep her upright, giving him more leeway up top. He's already hard. Disgustingly hard. Only his overalls act as a barrier for really putting his sense of shame to the test.]

[interstices]

Mmngh...

[Oh, oh. Shinji says she's doing great. Shinji's encouraging her to keep going. He has to know she's touching herself even if he can't see it in the mirror. Has to know from the way her body's tensing and jerking, the roll of her hips and the fidgets of her arm. Two fingers has become three now, all so messily slick. They're nothing like the girth of a real bull. She's never seen one, but the others talk about going to be bred, getting strapped onto the apparatus to be inseminated. The bull's huge. Most of the time cows can't even walk straight afterwards.]

[She feels Shinji press up against her ass and grunts again. He was the only boy she'd ever known, the only one she'd observed. She'd watched in curious interest occasionally when his pants would get all tented, but he'd always demur and protest when she pointed it out. Certainly, she never got close enough to touch. To feel. That's got to be like the bull, only real flesh instead of a machine. It's just got to--]

Shinji...

[She's about to spiral into orgasm, just from being handled. Even though she's still a poor investment, even though she's without milk. She's tingling all over as he pinches and twists her nipples, lurching forward suddenly, pressing up against the counter...]

Shinji... I... [He doesn't deny her nearly as much as he should. He's always spoiled her. Sugar cubes she'd nose in his pocket for when they were young, reading lessons, arithmetic lessons. He doesn't even argue when she wants some of his food, though she tries not to say so.] ... Touch you. Let me touch you.

[astrobleme]

[This is really happening. It's really--he exhales through his teeth, harsh enough to be heard--happening right now. Despite his best intentions, he's groping his best friend's breasts and rocking his hips against hers like he would if he were fucking her. So much for professional ethics. So much for personal responsibility. Unfair or not, he wants to blame Asuka for being so damn sexy, his ideal woman, only more attractive by the day. She's going to be huge. She's going to be worthy of every goddamn blue ribbon out there.]

A-Asuka...

[He should stop this immediately. He should back off and apologize and not come within ten meters of her in the future. Instead, he's pressing his face against her hair, her shoulder, the side of her neck. Her heart is bigger and stronger than a typical human's, so it's even easier to feel her quickened pulse against his lips. She isn't going to stop on her own. She isn't going to stop unless he stops this immediately, so he should stop it...]

Asuka, we shouldn't... not supposed to...

[But his dick has a way of overriding anything based on logic or reason. Just like the time he spied on the newly transitioned cows being strapped to the bull--he knew it was wrong, unspeakably wrong, but he watched them buck around in the throes of pleasure and touched himself to it. He watched them and wondered what Asuka would look like when it finally came her turn to sit down on that calf-making machine. I'm so fucked up, he thought, right after he exploded in his pants.

In the mirror, he stares desperately as one of his hands charts a path from her breasts to her stomach, then lower than that. She's three fingers deep, and he's offering her a fourth, knowing she won't be satisfied until she's stuffed full.]

M'not any good for you, Asuka...

[It's a weak excuse. The weakest.]

[interstices]

Shinji-- [Right now, it's hard, excruciatingly hard, not to devolve into nothing but grunts and wordless moans. Syntax, never something she's been in complete control over, is swaying away like her hips, like her vision of herself in the mirror and him behind her--]

Shut up.

[Asuka knows why he's hesitating. She's not stupid. Humans don't get involved with livestock, with cattle. Especially not masters. He hasn't owned her too long, true, but he was (is) the master's son before that. It's dirty and lowering for him to sink to her and not his own kind. Maybe even despicable.]

[But she's the product of generations of selective breeding, generations of hand-picking characteristic after characteristic. She's insatiable by design, and furthermore, she doesn't want to stop. It's as necessary as eating. She's still not full, three fingers in. How deep can she go? How far can she spread herself? She strokes impatiently at her clit, not knowing the term but knowing what it does, only rewarded by another spike of pleasure and no release.]

[Then she sees it in the mirror, feels it slope down from her breasts to her stomach and between her slick thighs. He's offering himself. He's offering to touch her-- touch her right there--]

[She grabs his proffered hand without thinking. She's stronger than him, always has been. Cows are hardy creatures even prior to transition. Her fingers are sloppy with her juices as she pushes his own to curl just right, before guiding them to her pussy. Her legs spread out further, as though his hand is much bigger than it is.]

Better. Better when it's you.

[astrobleme]

[A cow's biology isn't all that different from a human's, at least when it comes to this sort of thing. Touching Asuka's pussy--this is the closest Shinji has gotten to a real woman, and he's okay with that. More than okay. She's warm, soaking, pulsating against his fingertips; she envelops him like a custom velvet glove. In spite of himself, he moans against her neck for more. Better when it's with you, she said to him. He's a piece of shit for taking advantage of her innocence, her inexperience... but he can't convince himself to stop or slow down. He can't do anything other than continuing to push his fingers deeper, just to find out how much she can take.

Asuka needs something thicker, for sure, like that vibrator he has stashed away in the closet, an embarrassing gift for when her transition is complete. She'll go into heat regularly, so he wants to make sure she's take care of. He's supposed to take care of her. That's the whole point of being her master.]

You are so fucking hot, [he says through gritted teeth, honest for once,] but I'm not supposed to... I'm just... and you're... [But none of his feeble protesting is going to change what his fingers are doing. He works his fingers into her and back out again, in and back out and back in, mimicking what it would be like to fuck her. His reflection shows plenty of anguish, but there's rapture here, too, in the undeniable glimmer of his eyes. If he can do this one good thing for her, in service to her, then it's worth every hardship he's had to go through to get here. The mortgage on their farmhouse is almost insignificant.]

[interstices]

Shin... shinji...

[In and out, in and out, like the pulsing of some wonderful machine. Asuka closes her eyes after one last glimpse at him and herself in the mirror, the agonized and wanting look on his face, almost like, like he wants the last scrap of food at the table and can't have it. Her own is florid, freckles practically disappearing in the flush spreading from her face down her shoulders, and she groans again, hands rocking insistently to the rhythm of his fingers inside her. Close. Almost. Almost--]

[She shudders, knocking backward against him as she comes, nearly tipping the both of them over. She can't even think through the blaze of pleasure, blissing her out entirely to everything except how good it feels. She couldn't find a phrase or even a word to describe it. All heat. All letting go. Cares and worries and frustrations slipping and simplifying away. Asuka's breaths are shallow and quick, heart still thumping as her orgasm fades.]

[Her grip on his hand slacks off, until she's tapping at his knuckles with her fingertips. She can't do anything but express her wonder and gratitude. Can't even think of the ramifications of what they've just done while she's still embracing the high. Her mouth fumbles through words before her head feels quite ready.]

That's good. [And then, elaborating--] That's really good. [His hand is warm and wetter than hers now, even his knuckles. She runs her fingers against them curiously, as if the fluid there could imbue her with that feeling again. She raises her hand to her mouth curiously, lapping. There's a muskiness there, pregnant with pheromones, but after a few hearty licks she can already tell it's not a taste she'll go on craving the way she has chocolate and pie and the other human foods she's tried. Slowly, she turns around to face him, her bangs sticky with perspiration.] That's what it feels like? The bull?

[astrobleme]

[Shinji doesn't need to achieve orgasm to have his own afterglow. He's panting hard, his eyes locked on the mirror, on Asuka, absorbing every change in her expression and the sounds she's making after she lets go. It's beautiful. It's disgusting that he's involved at all, but there's no way to downplay just how beautiful it is. Meanwhile, he's as hard as a rock, still fitted against her backside, somehow stopping himself from rutting her like the bull he isn't lucky enough to be. If he could mate with her for real, he would never let her take more than ten steps away...

Animals can't consent, he thinks.

That's a short-lived afterglow.

And he isn't the least bit prepared for when she turns around. His whole face is red, his eyes shiny, and there's sweat on his brow. His hair is frazzled and out of place, making a mess against his shoulders. Though he's taken his hand away from her, he doesn't know what to do with it--if he should wipe it off, or wash it off, or fucking chop it off, or maybe give in and just lick it. His hand hangs awkwardly at his side as he struggles to catch his breath.]

The bull is... [He can't believe he's answering her question like this is a normal thing for them. It's the furthest from normal that it can possibly be.] It's big. Bigger than that. Like, you wouldn't be able to wa... walk, afterward, that's how big... [He finally looks away, desperate to know what the hell is wrong with him.] I g-got you a portable version that's pretty big, for when you're done transitioning, to help you with... the, uhm...

[The more he says, the more nervous and circumspect he gets. He could be charged with bestiality in a court of law anywhere in the modern world. Even Asuka has to know that what he did to her was beyond depraved, deserving of fines, jail time, even execution in some places. Animals can't consent--that's what he was told growing up, again and again. Animals can't provide consent, even if they seem totally sentient. It's up to their owner to decide what's best for them.]

[interstices]

[Asuka looks him in the face, her lips pursed in a not quite frown. He's all mussed up and he hasn't even come. As a cow, she's used to taking, but it feels bad not to give him something in return for this treat. She hasn't given him anything but a mortgage and heavier food bills. Not even any milk... and still he's panting and embarrassed and, probably, far from satisfied.]

[She takes his words like gospel, but her nose is wrinkled. He knows a lot about this stuff. It sounds just like what the other cows would say after being brought to the bull. They'd be muddled and ecstatic, leaning against the sides of the barn as if they'd collapse at just the slightest wind. That's the difference between a cow and a calf, being able to go on that bull...]

Why did you get the portable? [She doesn't know what that word means, but figures it must make it expensive. She reaches over, touching his hand almost curiously.] You could help me. You've got one, too.

[The feel of him pressed against her had been nice enough that she's already missing it only seconds after turning around. It felt right. Like he fit there. He might be the only boy she's ever really seen, but Asuka's not stupid. She knows what's separating them goes beyond the horns slowly sprouting on her head. She's even tried to take more than one peek.] Come on, Shinji. Then you can feel good, too.

[astrobleme]

[Just when Shinji is starting to think he'll be able to step back, step away, and forget about this ever happening to him... Asuka looks at him like that. There's nothing wrong with the way she's looking at him, to be fair. Nothing irritating or offensive. She just has this adorably determined look on her face, infused with curiosity and what might be a plea. It's an earnest sort of look that could melt the coldest of cold hearts on a winter's day. Shinji, whose heart is already wobbly at the best of times, is doing all he can not to give in immediately.]

I got the portable version because... [Because he doesn't plan to inseminate her, among other reasons, so there's no point to investing in a more advanced device. He's too busy swallowing his spit to say as much, though. And she seems to be getting closer to him, invading what's left of his personal space, or maybe he's actually the one leaning in against her. It can't be his fault, he tells himself, but within the next moment he's kissing her on the mouth and meaning it.

This is so fucked up. Really.

He'll never forgive himself for lingering here, either.]

Because, uhm... [He tilts his head away afterward, averting his eyes. His lips are tingling like there's an electric current running through them. For that matter, his entire body feels like it's trying to produce its own voltage.] Because what I have wouldn't be big enough for you. [He winces a little.] The bull is really big, like I said, and I'm not... I'm not like the bull...

[Actual bulls, by the way, have absolutely massive genitals. Shinji only ever glimpsed pictures of them in guilty, after-midnight searches on the web, wondering what he may or may not be up against. No contest. None whatsoever. His dick might as well not exist in comparison.]

I don't want to disappoint you, okay? [he whispers.]

[interstices]

[Asuka's mouth is still open seconds after he kisses her. She can't believe it. Just can't believe it. All her life, she never thought they'd get much more contact after growing up than his hands on her breasts. Though he's gotten her off already, this seems so much more intimate, maybe because she's directly facing him, maybe because there's the taste of their dinner on his lips, and an intensity she's never seen from him before. Shinji's never been cold like Mr. Ikari, but he's never been headstrong like her, either, not until now.]

[It's good.]

Show me. [He's doubting himself again. Already looking away. Well, she'll make him turn back now. Whatever he has must be good no matter what he says. She's smelled it before from him, especially when she's sniffed at his laundry there in the bin. Her hands, not so nimble at all, have dove down already to fumble at his clothed erection, finding it easily, and then impatiently vying to undo his fly. She's not good with human things-- doorknobs were an irritation up until recently, and so before long she's yanking and tearing at the fabric itself instead, murmuring impatiently as she does so.] Won't be disappointed. Let me see.

[astrobleme]

[Shinji should have known that Asuka wouldn't believe a word he says. She's always been incorrigible like that, questioning human authority even when she's obligated to obey. Not many cows have such a strong-willed streak of curiosity. Frankly, she might be the only one of her kind. She's fumbling with his zipper before he can tell her to stop, before he can even take stock of himself. He's hard, yeah. He's as hard as packed dirt, and for all her unpracticed clumsiness, she isn't doing anything to discourage that.]

A-su-ka, [he says through clenched teeth.] Why won't you just listen when I tell you-- [Now he's choking on his own rushed inhale. Out of instinct, he braces himself against the counter with one hand--and he slides a little bit, fingers still slick with her juices. Both of his knees wobble traitorously when he hears the distinct zzzip of his zipper fly. She has a layer of cloth or so to fit her fingers into, but his cock is all too eager for the exposure.

Her skin is warm. This is so fucked up.]

S-See? I told you, I'm not...

[He's of average length, as far as humans go, which means he's microscopic compared to a bull. He refuses to look at her because he doesn't want to see the clouding of her brow in realization. He doesn't want to have his worst fears confirmed: in every single way possible, he's a failure.]

[interstices]

[Instead, Asuka's expression only gets more excited as his cock comes into full view. She's never seen the bull for herself, so she has no idea of what size to expect-- no idea of what to expect, anyway, beyond something that can go inside her and fill her up. With calves, preferably, but Asuka knows Shinji's probably not going to be able to arrange that for her. Which is fine. She's hungry enough as it is without a pregnancy making her stomach all the more empty.]

[Her fingers, still slick but undeniably as human-looking as his, run curiously over his dick, then she lightly grasps it in her palm without asking for permission or approval. The surface is weird and veiny, not like any part of her body, but warm. It twitches in her hand, like something alive, and she jumps a bit, eyes wide.]

Oh!

[Her face feels all hot, thighs dampening again. She hadn't listened at all when he'd protested, though that ought to have stopped her dead in her tracks at any time. That's what's been bred into her, anyway, subservience to humans, but he's not just a human any more than he's just her master. He's called her his best friend.]

Can you... can't you put it in? [The bull had to be sat on. The bull had to be strapped onto. Like a carseat. Clearly, Shinji has limitations there. Asuka's face scrunches up again as she contemplates the logistics, rubbing her thumb against his shaft again, already less bothered by its twitching.] You... you'd need to lie down.

[astrobleme]

[Asuka really doesn't know any better. Of course she doesn't. And Shinji's protests are too feeble to make much of an impression. The truth is, if he wanted to stop her for real, he knows how to do that. He could smack her on the nose or pinch the back of her neck until she lets go. He could raise his voice at her until she recognizes him as master and not just the stupid boy she grew up with. He could do all of those things, but he isn't doing any of them.

His hips nudge forward instead, insistent as anything, encouraging her. Encouraging more of this. He's burning up with shame, sickened with desire, and he's still smearing himself across her roughened palm. The bathroom feels like it's spinning around him. Every movement of her thumb drives him that much more off-kilter, out of control, out of his damn mind. He almost can't find his voice for a half-coherent reply:]

I-I'd have to lie down, yeah, or you'd have to... you'd have to lie down... one or the other, you know...

[He should be helping her to brush her teeth right now. He should be emphasizing the importance of rinsing with mouthwash and flossing daily, even if it's uncomfortable and tedious. Now that she's eating a ton of sugary foods, proper oral hygiene is more important than ever. He doesn't want her to get any cavities. He doesn't want her to resent her new life here. He doesn't want her to regret leaving the farm of her birth to come live with him. He'd rather die than do anything to disappoint her in any way. There's no one whose opinion matters more than--]

Oh, fuck, Asuka-- [He suddenly grabs at her wrist, the one attached to the hand that's working him, but not to push her away, exactly. He's just trying to get her attention before it's too late.] Hey, let's go to the... let's get back in bed, okay? [His eyes have the color of a thunderstorm at twilight when he looks up at her.] We don't have to do anything but I just, I need to, sit down, soon... [Pathetic. He's already out of breath. He should have way more self-control than this.]

[interstices]

Okay. [Asuka stops stroking and fondling his dick then, albeit reluctantly. She'd been sure she was just about to get that distinct scent (taste) (stuff) out of him, given a little more time... but he hasn't told her they need to quit what they're doing. What she's doing. Good.]

[She's mildly afraid he'll keel over at any point, but she lets him lead her back to the bed. Sometimes after he leaves to work in the fields, she'll spend ten, twenty minutes just nosing around against his side of the bed and his pillows, trying to memorize his smell, something she'd only gotten catches of before. Earthy even with daily showers, damp with sweat and hard work. She likes it. She's fascinated by it. Once he's on the bed, she sits next to him, hands out in midair, waiting, hoping. He's never looked like this before. She's never seen this intensity in him. Her heart, usually sluggish and at ease, thuds perilously.]

You want to lie down? Or me? [Already, and not at all accidentally, she's taking it for granted that they will. Her upper thighs smush wetly against each other as her hips twist against the mattress.] I'm... not that big. Won't hurt you.

[astrobleme]

[Shinji collapses on the edge of the bed, groaning in relief. He can't believe he made it all the way here without his legs going out from under him. They're tingling all over, with the consistency of gelatin, and he wonders how he's ever going to stand up again. Not even that time he jerked off in the stables made him feel this overheated and helpless.]

Just... J-Just give me a minute, to breathe, please...

[Inevitable. That's what it feels like. It shouldn't be inevitable, though. If Asuka knew just how reprehensible sex between humans and animals was, it wouldn't be inevitable at all. She'd scorn him as much as any sane person should, wouldn't she? Isn't that why he has an obligation to explain the truth to her? Yes, you want this, and I want this, too, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea to do it. That's what he should be saying to her, even as he's easing his overalls off his shoulders and down his chest. He almost can't stand the sensation of pushing the coarse fabric past his stomach, his hips, and then down his weakened legs. He's actually trembling from how fucking intense it is.

Now all that's left on him is a plain blue shirt and a pair of silky boxer-briefs that feel tighter than a series of rubber bands. His cock still isn't impressive, of course it isn't, no matter his efforts to change that sad fact. He's tried all sorts of weird home remedies from the Internet to make himself grow--each and every one a failure.]

I think... If we were to do this, I think you'd have to... on top, you'd have to be...

[Having sex with Asuka is still hypothetical to him, it seems like. He can smell her juicy pussy--delicious--god help him--but he's still talking about this in the abstract. It just won't feel the least bit real until it's actually happening.]

[interstices]

Okay.

[Asuka knows more than Shinji gives her credit for. She knows this is wrong. But she also knows, as any animal does, that her master has the final say. He can, technically, do whatever he wants to her, whether it's right or not. But she wants this, too. She wants to find out what he's like, what it would feel like to have him inside her. Not strapped in and clinical, either, real and sweaty and whole. She can't even say she's shared everything with Shinji when the truth is, he shared everything with her. From letters to numbers to this house. Almost everything that felt good and was good came from him.]

[And so as he sits there at the edge of the bed, mostly-undressed, she can't seem to hold herself back. She's too impatient to be a cow, really, always rambunctious, always scrambling around-- and he's easily shoved down on his back. The boxers get unceremoniously yanked until they hang somewhere between his knees and calves, while the shirt's ignored. She's never seen the bull or a bull or a man even, before now, but she knows enough to climb on top of him, round thighs splayed near either side of his waist, as she guides his dick, that strange, solid thing, inside her, wiggling as she does.]

Mm... mmmm...

[Her eyes are glassy. It's an odd feeling at first. She'd had an exam once at the vet, right around puberty, where he stuck a thin piece of metal inside her. Shinji's nothing like that. Instead of probing her, shoving into what little is hers, he's filling her up completely. Her body's adjusting and accepting him eagerly, wetly, and she's sinking onto him all the way down to the hilt, breasts bouncing as she finds something like a rhythm, as she tries to move her hips to hit there, right there beyond where his fingers could reach. Her head jerks back. She's scared she'll bruise him, the way she's moving-- selfish cow that she is, she's not selfish enough to hurt her master--]

This... this is...

[astrobleme]

[Shinji is still in denial, staunchly, even stupidly, until the very tip of his cock disappears into Asuka's pussy. That's when the abstract stops being so abstract. That's when, in a sunburst of feeling, too much to be felt all at once, he shoves his hips upward and claws at the bedspread with his fingers. He can't get a good enough grip on anything. Asuka is bearing down on him, as aggressive as any predator--not a silly little cow after all--the little girl he grew up with--and it's like she's planning to devour him, starting with his helpless cock. He chokes on his own plea for her to slow down. To let him adjust. To give him a chance to catch his breath, except now he's panting audibly, his head pushed back. He should be doing something to help stabilize her, but he can't get his hands to cooperate...

The lotion-covered circle of his fingers could never have prepared him for this. All that illegal barnyard porn he watched--it was pretty much useless, in the end. Moving pictures just can't account for the texture of her pussy, and the heat of it, all heated silk squeezing around him. The rising smell of her, too. Like freshly cut grass and a pound of sugar. And there's no comparison to looking up at her face, watching how she exerts herself, and wondering how she sees him in this moment. He's probably making a really awful face. Not attractive at all. It feels like his whole face is breaking free of its contours, along with the rest of his body. The sensations ricocheting through him won't be contained for long. They're hot and sharp, but in a really good way, not painful at all.]

Asuka...!

[That plaintive, high-pitched sound says more than a thousand words could. Shinji reaches up and palms his own forehead, covering one of his eyes, completely overwhelmed. Even the fear of getting caught is secondary to the raw pleasure of fucking her. The police could kick down their door right now and he wouldn't be willing to tell Asuka to stop. He wouldn't be able to.

Her breasts sway above him to their own primal rhythm, already abundant, despite being empty. It's hard to imagine what they'll be like when they're blown up all the more, laden with liters of milk. It's probably going to feel like she's crushing him with her weight. Like if she keeps riding his dick too hard, she'll break something important in his spine.

He cannot wait to find out.]

[interstices]

Ohhh...

[He doesn't look bad at all, lying there on the bed. His face gets scrunched up, sort of pained sometimes, but all in all there's an intensity and neediness she's never knew he had. Soft Shinji, with soft hands and a soft heart, never could have had any instincts he'd act upon. Shinji was thinking about school and knights and fairy tales while she was only thinking of her next feeding. Now he's thinking about bills and getting into trouble, she's sure, but he's thinking about this, too. She's sure of it.]

[Asuka peels his hand from his forehead-- funny how he's trying to cover himself up, like anyone knows-- and pushes it to the side, interlocking her fingers with his. A soft grunt and she's pressing her torso against his, breasts shoving and pushing against his chest. She stays there for a second or two, not moving, just breathing and feeling the inhale-exhale of him beneath her. Not so different now, him and her, not so different as she slowly starts to sit up again, starts to find that rhythm again, the perfect rock of her hips as she edges closer and closer.]

Don't. Don't hide.

[Better than the bull. Way, way better than the bull. Doing this with a real human, with Shinji, is like eating a whole platterful of petit-fours. Nothing could compare to the sweet taste of it, the way her whole body tingles from the half-inch growth of her horns to the tips of her toes. The way she feels all full and complete, not just a hungry cow, not just hungry for food anymore but for mating, too. It's really, really good, and she mumbles sharp little sounds, grip on his hand tightening as the pleasure intensifies and then seems to flood her, spilling over, all over, like every part of her is warm--]

Oh!